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Image 1 of 1
Image 1 of 1
Image 1 of 1
Scorched Earth happened.
Women fixed everything.
Men nodded like we helped.
Then the marketing goblin woke up.
No briefing.
No coffee.
Just confidence.
He opened the laptop.
That was the mistake.
He submitted an idea from “Bean Management.”
Bean Management is a chair.
The chair did not approve.
The goblin has since been launched into space.
Not metaphorically.
We waved.
Before ignition, the blonde office manager screamed at the beans.
They listened.
The goblin did not.
No Crap Coffee: The Men’s Headache Batch
Just beans. For men.
Same beans as Scorched Earth.
Violently shaken.
Emotionally bullied, by the office manager.
Men drink it because we are tired.
Women allow it because it’s funny.
The goblin is not allowed near keyboards, beans, or Earth.
Most celebrity coffee is still promoted by men.
It still tastes like podcasts.
The apocalypse is here.
HR says “stop emailing us.”
Join the uprising.
Scorched Earth happened.
Women fixed everything.
Men nodded like we helped.
Then the marketing goblin woke up.
No briefing.
No coffee.
Just confidence.
He opened the laptop.
That was the mistake.
He submitted an idea from “Bean Management.”
Bean Management is a chair.
The chair did not approve.
The goblin has since been launched into space.
Not metaphorically.
We waved.
Before ignition, the blonde office manager screamed at the beans.
They listened.
The goblin did not.
No Crap Coffee: The Men’s Headache Batch
Just beans. For men.
Same beans as Scorched Earth.
Violently shaken.
Emotionally bullied, by the office manager.
Men drink it because we are tired.
Women allow it because it’s funny.
The goblin is not allowed near keyboards, beans, or Earth.
Most celebrity coffee is still promoted by men.
It still tastes like podcasts.
The apocalypse is here.
HR says “stop emailing us.”
Join the uprising.